"Let's Get Physical" For my Birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of private lessons at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Tony, who identified himself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress: Monday: Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Tony waiting for me. He is something of a God with blonde hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. (WOO HOO!!!) Tony gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill & was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to all those rippling muscles. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his weight training class after my own workout today. (Very inspiring.) Tony was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door. Tony made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air...then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tony's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!!!! It's a whole new life for me!! Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Geo in the club lot. Tony was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning, and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tony put me on the stair master. Why in HELL would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?! Tony told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too. Thursday: Tony was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half hour late. It took that long for me to tie my damn shoes. Tony took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the Ladies' room. He sent "Barbie" to find me, & then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine... which I sank. Friday: I hate that Tony more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world!! (Stupid, skinny, puffed-up peacock.) If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Tony wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me those *&%#!~$ barbells or anything else that weighs more than a sandwich!! I am now certain that Tony has learned all of these excercises in the sadist school he attended and graduated from, magna cum laude!! The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and P.E. teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? Saturday: Tony left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength even to use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the weather channel and eating chocolate. Sunday: I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root canal!! [Reflections] [Sitemap]
For my Birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of private lessons at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Tony, who identified himself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress:
Monday: Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Tony waiting for me. He is something of a God with blonde hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. (WOO HOO!!!)
Tony gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill & was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to all those rippling muscles. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his weight training class after my own workout today. (Very inspiring.)
Tony was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door. Tony made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air...then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tony's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!!!! It's a whole new life for me!!
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.
Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Geo in the club lot.
Tony was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning, and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tony put me on the stair master. Why in HELL would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?! Tony told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
Thursday: Tony was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half hour late. It took that long for me to tie my damn shoes.
Tony took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the Ladies' room. He sent "Barbie" to find me, & then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine... which I sank.
Friday: I hate that Tony more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world!! (Stupid, skinny, puffed-up peacock.)
If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Tony wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me those *&%#!~$ barbells or anything else that weighs more than a sandwich!!
I am now certain that Tony has learned all of these excercises in the sadist school he attended and graduated from, magna cum laude!!
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and P.E. teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Saturday: Tony left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength even to use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the weather channel and eating chocolate.
Sunday: I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root canal!!
[Reflections] [Sitemap]
